Switchin' It Up......

Good Morning my Starshine friends!
Today's blog: Creating Fantasies.....................

For many years I believed that if I loved people the way I wanted to be loved, then I would find (dreamy twinkle in my eyes) True Love. So I went through life giving love the way I wanted to receive it. I was telling my fantasies to the world through my own actions, and it attracted very few. I would dream of the right and perfect man saying just the right words, in just the right way with just the right look on his face......and it would all flow impromptu from him without any guidance from me. Oh, how I believed that the right and perfect one for me would already know my needs. Indeed, he would be ready to make me the Sun in his universe, and his life would effortlessly revolve around me. How happy we would be, he would be the milky way galaxy and I would be his centered ball of fire, and together we would be happily ever-after!
I even had a list of questions, and a secret answer list. He would know the code words, and would be able to respond perfectly if he was the right and perfect one for me. I lived alone using this illusion to guide me into love's true embrace.

Then, in 2008, I went to work in Rhode Island. Above mention mission: ABORTED.

In RI I worked with some of the most intelligent and organized people I had ever met in a single group. They worked together with rhythm, in a well orchestrated symphony of patient care. Though many times, they forgot how important each other instrument was, they got every one of the patients cared for, and there was a great deal of laughter. What I longed to give them all as a gift was the knowledge that A single instrument, a symphony does not make. We must work together in harmony, in a way that complements the gifts of the other musicians around us. That rich blend of energies would weave joy and true healing into the care they provided.

Affection is a social joy of mine. Growing up in a small italian familly in south Jersey, I learned about touch, and how to talk with my hands. I am a huggy-kissy kinda girl, and those around me knew they were loved. In RI I worked with a wonderful woman named Barbara. When I first worked with Barbara I hugged her throughout the day. As I hugged her, she apparently had that look on her face as if she had just smelled(?smelt) some really bad camembert cheese. I had no idea, her stiff body should have been a clue though. After working together for 3 days Barb took me aside, and kindly told me I had to stop touching her. She didn't see herself as a "hugger", and she didn't like hugging.
Huh? Come again? So I commented:
"Sorry, but I think I just heard you say you didn't like hugging, is that correct?"
"Yes, but not just hugging, touch in general is uncomfortable for me," Barb replied with a genuine smile. "Please stop touching me," was her true request. And I honored it.

Integrating that was a great challenge. How could this be? Love=Affection Affection=Joy so Love=Joy with Affection. Isn't that the mathematical set up of this system? Then the wise words of Faith Hill hit me: Love must be tailor made. Had I sung this very phrase with Faith before? Yes, often.
Did I get the depth of meaning it held? Clearly, not at all.

Suzie or, Suzanne as she likes to be called, my dear friend told me that love is a choice. So RI Barb was requesting love tailored to her liking, and I chose to give it to her. It was a hard habit to break. Actually, many experiences in RI changed my life.

As I integrated the tailoring of love, I realized how profound it was. Love indeed is a choice. Within the sacredness of loving we commit to discovering how the people around us desire to receive love. Everyone perceives love differently. The nuances of how we individually need to receive it is the opportunity to tailor make our love. It takes time, communication, GREAT listening skills and observation to understand how each person wants and needs to be loved. It is a grown-up undertaking, and is not for the faint of heart. It is a courageous act, which involves vulnerability, acceptance and is without condition. We chose to give this person love inspite of their strengths and because of their weaknesses, inspite of their courage and because of their vulnerability, inspite of their beauty and because of their imperfections.This is Enchanted Love(great book by Marianne Williamson, folks!)

I want to experience Enchanted Love. I've had a couple of opportunities to practice it, alas, most people are stuck in a place I've been: They don't know how they need or want to be Loved.
Ideally, we would all grow up with our needs tended to faithfully, and we would be convinced that we are the sun in our own universe. This kind of child rearing is rare. Unfortunately, we tend to believe as I had, that someone elses value of us is what brings us joy. When they no longer value us, we lose our joy. The realization that I had to become the sun in my own universe, because my life truly revolved around me and my thoughts, was an epiphany. Taking the time to figure out what love looked like to me was hard work-worthwhile- but hard. It meant I had to take inventory of the Real Me. I had to learn to love and give love to the Real Me. I had to accept all my self-perceived flaws, forgive myself for falling short of my standards, trust that I can make my life right no matter what happens, and to relax into my own skin. Though I have done a decent amount of exploration within, I realize how much there is still to learn.

Do I know that I am capable now of chosing to love the right and perfect one? Absolutely.

Am I able to remain the sun in my own universe while honoring someone else's ability to be the sun in their own universe? Positively.

Am I grown up enough to realize that I have to specifically ask for romance the way I want it, passion the way I need it, and Love in the way that charms my heart, mind and soul?
Yes. A resounding Yes.

I see us all in a world of creativity, passion and joy, a place where we can just be, and just being real is enough.
For as we learn to love ourselves, we then can love our neighbors.
And isn't this why there is not just one of us on this planet?
Love and Passion,
Laurie

www.youtube.com/watch?v=DcWQIsG9Rqw Please watch and receive it's gifts.