Writing the Scripts of Our Lives

~We all write our own scripts for our lives, and we do so with each thought and action.

 If you want to be a hero in your life than find a heroine to spend time with. 

Taking "victim" minded people into your life will one day make you  their "victimizer"....

We create the roles and characters needed in the movie of our life. If we have an unloving agenda towards ourselves we will write roles and command forth those who will support and drive our own feelings of un-loveability. If we chose to have an agenda of love, openness and kindness to self then those supporting characters will also show up, helping reveal how truly amazing we are. When we need someone to play a specific part we draw them in. Make today the greatest version of your highest self. Feel free to re-write your script at every given now................................~

For many, MANY years I prided myself in being able to fix everything for everyone I knew. Yep, that's right, I was a co-dependent extraordinaire! I am sure this talent of my old self was the primary reason I became a nurse. Juggling everybody elses balls in the air was considered a "gift" in my head....until their balls started landing on my head....and at my feet.

I am me. I chose to be me. I can never be another person, can never think exactly like another person, feel exactly like another person, experience what it is like to actually physically "be" another, so how could I ever clean up their messes the way they needed them cleaned up? how could I ever learn their lessons for them in the way they needed to learn them? how could I ever make the decisions for them, without ever having had walked even one baby step in their lives as them? There came a time in my life when I had to let everyone elses balls fall...and take responisbility for my own. This may sound easy, but indeed, it was unpleasant and heartfelt painful. Everyone who had been relying on me to juggle for them quickly noticed. That's when in their eye's I became a "bitch" and a "let down".

Trying to live someone elses life for them and struggle through their mire of "baggage" made me feel like a hero, like a success. My self worth was dependent upon the way others saw me, the way others felt about me, the way others interpreted my actions. The World Class Other's Ball Juggler was how I knew my value. What a shock to me when I found out that no matter how well I juggled their balls, at some point they would meander out of my path, and thereby take my sense of value, self and worth with them.

This was when I learned the greatest lesson of my life:

I determine my value, worth and loveability by who I am to ME, how I feel about ME, what I think about ME and my actions, and therefore how I interact with the world around me as ME. So no matter who or what wanders in and out of my life I remain intact and whole and absolutely valuable, worthy and lovable and able to make my life right no matter what happens.

Then I had to take responsibility for the collateral damage my unkind thought paradigm had caused. There were others who had no idea how to juggle their own lives since I had done it for them.When I left them to figure out what to do with their own lessons, struggles and challenges I became "persona non grata", AND ***BONUS*** I had to learn to feel good about me in spite of their opinions. That point in my life totally sucked. Difficult, hard, trying, challenging...these words come no where near the depth of fear, frustration and anger I experienced. I had juggled their balls for them for so long through such difficult times, how could they be so unkind and ungrateful???? Unfortunatley it took a great deal of time to figure out that I had been doing them a great disservice. They needed to learn how to juggle their own balls, and how to manage their losses when the "balls came tumblin down" (John Mellencamp pseudo-reference for all you groovy people out there), and how to have confidence in their own ability to make their lives right again.

Having marched forward through that time yielded a new, holier and more solid me. forged by fire so to speak (which by the way I think would be an awesome name for a coffee shop- Forged By Fire). Everyday I am afforded the opportunity to go back to my original script thinking and acting.....pleasing others as the goal, by meeting their agenda's and expectations of me or choosing something more self kind. THANK GOD I now know that "be"ing me is the greatest gift I can give myself and the world around me. Trusting others to find and follow their own destiny is now a relief, although at times some of my stronger friends have to remind me when I slip into Juggler status.

About a week ago, I slipped into Juggler mode, or maybe I needed an instant "ego" boost so I created the situation to serve my ego at that moment. Either way, here is what I have learned:

We all write the script for our lives, including the supporting cast, that will meet our imagined "needs". If I am used to feeling like a victim then I will either attract a victimizer into my life, or attract someone into my life who will be invested in "fixing" me and my situation. Either way, they are set up for failure...for what I am really looking for is someone to help me continue to play the victim, and if that is my script, then no matter how hard you try to help me, one day I will make you my victimizer. If I need to feel in control then I will attract people who want to be controlled, or will become manipulative in my relationships, either way, I will force my need for control onto you and our relationship. If I feel unloveable then I will attract people who willingly degrade me, or I will act unloveable until, exhausted you will give in and admit that I just may be unloveable. We get what we expect. On the flip side....I chose to see myself as loveable so I attract people into my life who not only find me and my nature beautiful, but people who are in love with who they are as well, and together we fall in love with each other. I choose to see myself as a success, so I attract success filled situations and opportunities into my life, along with people who are on their own authentic success journey's, and together we create a world where their is enough success to go around for everyone to recieve and revel in.

Be You. Please. As you are right this moment you are beautiful enough, worthy enough, valuable enough, magnificent enough and lovable enough. Just sitting right there, breathing in and out as YOU....that's all you have to do and be. We are not here to act out some death defying feats to impress others. We are here to do what is ours alone to do. Finding someone who digs your journey as much as they dig their own is an absolute miracle. For those of you who have that someone I bless your love and light. For those of us who wait for that kind of companionship to find us I pray that we eagerly reach out to each other, and recognize our own inherent beauty within another, until we remember it first hand for ourselves. Love will claim us all, it already has. We just need to remember........

All my love to all of you,

Peace to your hearts and to the hearts of all those you love,

Laurie