The Danger of Kindness

This is a tough topic for me. For the words I've combined in the title seem out of character with each other. I often state that we as a human-beings within a global community need to be kinder to each other. I am actively changing this mantra as I write this. We need to be kinder to ourselves. This is sometimes not easily accomplished, for it includes us being honest with our veryownselves.

We get lost in the way things appear. The way we appear. The way our life appears. We want to appear "kind", but the appearance of kindness is different than being kind from a genuinely kind place we have established within our heart. My mother has told me many times "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." Honestly I never liked that phrase. For me, loving intention drove me far into my well-honed co-dependence. I could not fathom that my "well-intended" behaviors were going to land me smack dab in the middle of hell. My actions although altruistic on the surface, were guided by the illusion that everyone else's opinion of me was what defined me. My spouse's opinion, my parents' opinion, my children's opinion, my friend's opinion, my minister's opinion, my neighbor's opinion, my co-worker's opinion, my family's opinion, my pharmacist's opinion, my....................And I indeed had not only whittled my way into my very own hell, I bought land and built a house there. My own personal hell as determined by whether someone else thought I was worthy that day. When your validity and value relies ONLY on the value and validity offered to you by others, it is a frail structure to depend on. Reliably, when you disappoint or let down the person who defines your worth, your value and validity exit with that person as they leave your life. I had to see myself in all my mis-beauty and still learn to trust that:

1). I am committed to becoming the best, most honest and true version of myself, and I will absoluetly embrace it, no matter how magnificent or fragile it may be.

2). I am committed to living within and through integrity, no matter how challenging it may be for me, and how blessed it may be to the world. I will say yes when I truly mean yes, and I will say no when I truly mean no. The only thing that will drive those statements is Shakespeare's advice "To Thine Own Self Be True,". If I can't be honestly "TRUE" to myself how can I ever honor Jesus's advice to be "true" to my neighbor?

3). I will always be honest with myself, no matter how frightened I feel. God is always with me, God is always for me,who then can be against me? NO ONE BUT ME, and that is only possible when I try to separate myself from God! The God within everything conspires in His own favor, for the good of ALL at all times. I am an extension of God, (Psalm 37:4)" Trust in Lord and do good;[I think he means good from within the most honest expression of your you-ness]Dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the Lord and He will Give You The Desires Of Your Heart." God's presence within me and in my living of my life guarantee that only good will come from this honesty with myself. Just because we've been pretending that this less than pretty aspect of ourselves isn't really there, doesn't meant the rest of the world can't see it. HA! The only person we end up even remotely fooling is ourselves.

4). I will only take Myself personally. What I say about and to myself matters. What thoughts I fuel my mind with matter. What physical challenges I afford myself matter. What I am willing to bring into a friendship or more intimate relationship matters. What I contribute to the optional betterment of my brothers and sisters in living matters. What I do, think, say, feel, experience, understand, realize, intuit and manifest matters to me. Everybody else's opinion is optional and is only valued by me upon request.

5). If I choose to wallow in misery for a day or two I give myself permission and literary license to be dramatic, and over-the-top funny. A day or two of wearing my sadness as an elaborate "Feel sorry for me" crown, helps me to see when others are wearing their own version of that crown.

6). I am present every second of every minute of every day for Spirit's guidance. I offer my physical and spiritual eyes, ears, touch and mind to the Holy Spirit's presence and God's commands for Me in My life.

7). I will honor, respect and be non-interferring to others as they walk Their Journey. It is not my place to guide them, unless asked, and even then be a minimalist. The soul's learning through living as a human is based upon it's experience. As much as I feel I have to teach, someone must reach out for an answer that I have before I am given their souls permission to teach it. Why throw good seeds on soil that is not ready to be part of something growing? Allow each to be. It is their Divine Birthright.

8). Punish myself only once for each mistake I make. Put an end to celebratory rituals honoring the pain I've caused myself and others. Pain is only a cry from somewhere within me to remember that it is loved and not separated from God. It would be cruel to hurt or provoke an injured or pained aspect of another being, and why would it be any less cruel to wield this kind of malice to myself? No More. I forgive myself for not knowing what I didn't know, for doing only what I knew to be the best in every situation, and not being able to know everybodies emotionally tender spots at all times. I have repeatedly fallen short. I will continue to be human for as long as I am alive, and that will include making mistakes. Pre-emptively I am sorry. I promise I will always do my very best with you. Which starts with doing my doing my very best for me.

9). I will remember that when and how I judge others is only a reflection of when and how I judge myself. If I am driven by anger towards others than I am driven by anger towards myself. How can I spread peace if I don't actively forgive myself and allow acceptance to bloom in the garden of my life? If I am angry with others, I will remember that I have tried, judged and sentenced myself first, and the sentence given is usually life-robbing. NO More life robbing self-punishment. Life enhancing support and compassion is a much wiser choice.

I don't need you to define me. I Seek You out for you to See Me.

Acting out of wanting to appear kind, leads us to saying yes when we mean no, and ignoring issues that are standing upright and waving at us in front of our eyes. Saying yes to something that we are truly uncomfortable with, is self-betrayal. The collateral damage we cause, is that the people around us believe something about us that isn't true. Hearts, others and our own, can be bruised by this act. Be genuine with yourself, and then know that being genuine with those around you is the best you can do. Jesus said "the truth will set you free." He didn't guarantee it would make you happy (Thank you Joel!). But wouldn't you rather be genuinely told no, then to later on find out that the person said yes but didn't mean it? I would.

Oh how tricky communication can seem. Having the courage and willingness to be honest with ourselves is the first ingredient in being courageously honest with each other. And this is not permission to be flat-out cruel to ourselves or each other. If we know self-kindness, we can wield our truth with others laden in love. If we know self-truth, we can wield our kindness towards others with no collateral damage.

"Know yourself and you will know God."

-Bob (Marley)

I See You, and you are magnificent radiant beings of Light, and you have Wings.

Let's fly..............................

Love,

Laurie