The Danger of Kindness

This is a tough topic for me. For the words I've combined in the title seem out of character with each other. I often state that we as a human-beings within a global community need to be kinder to each other. I am actively changing this mantra as I write this. We need to be kinder to ourselves. This is sometimes not easily accomplished, for it includes us being honest with our veryownselves.

We get lost in the way things appear. The way we appear. The way our life appears. We want to appear "kind", but the appearance of kindness is different than being kind from a genuinely kind place we have established within our heart. My mother has told me many times "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." Honestly I never liked that phrase. For me, loving intention drove me far into my well-honed co-dependence. I could not fathom that my "well-intended" behaviors were going to land me smack dab in the middle of hell. My actions although altruistic on the surface, were guided by the illusion that everyone else's opinion of me was what defined me. My spouse's opinion, my parents' opinion, my children's opinion, my friend's opinion, my minister's opinion, my neighbor's opinion, my co-worker's opinion, my family's opinion, my pharmacist's opinion, my....................And I indeed had not only whittled my way into my very own hell, I bought land and built a house there. My own personal hell as determined by whether someone else thought I was worthy that day. When your validity and value relies ONLY on the value and validity offered to you by others, it is a frail structure to depend on. Reliably, when you disappoint or let down the person who defines your worth, your value and validity exit with that person as they leave your life. I had to see myself in all my mis-beauty and still learn to trust that:

1). I am committed to becoming the best, most honest and true version of myself, and I will absoluetly embrace it, no matter how magnificent or fragile it may be.

2). I am committed to living within and through integrity, no matter how challenging it may be for me, and how blessed it may be to the world. I will say yes when I truly mean yes, and I will say no when I truly mean no. The only thing that will drive those statements is Shakespeare's advice "To Thine Own Self Be True,". If I can't be honestly "TRUE" to myself how can I ever honor Jesus's advice to be "true" to my neighbor?

3). I will always be honest with myself, no matter how frightened I feel. God is always with me, God is always for me,who then can be against me? NO ONE BUT ME, and that is only possible when I try to separate myself from God! The God within everything conspires in His own favor, for the good of ALL at all times. I am an extension of God, (Psalm 37:4)" Trust in Lord and do good;[I think he means good from within the most honest expression of your you-ness]Dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the Lord and He will Give You The Desires Of Your Heart." God's presence within me and in my living of my life guarantee that only good will come from this honesty with myself. Just because we've been pretending that this less than pretty aspect of ourselves isn't really there, doesn't meant the rest of the world can't see it. HA! The only person we end up even remotely fooling is ourselves.

4). I will only take Myself personally. What I say about and to myself matters. What thoughts I fuel my mind with matter. What physical challenges I afford myself matter. What I am willing to bring into a friendship or more intimate relationship matters. What I contribute to the optional betterment of my brothers and sisters in living matters. What I do, think, say, feel, experience, understand, realize, intuit and manifest matters to me. Everybody else's opinion is optional and is only valued by me upon request.

5). If I choose to wallow in misery for a day or two I give myself permission and literary license to be dramatic, and over-the-top funny. A day or two of wearing my sadness as an elaborate "Feel sorry for me" crown, helps me to see when others are wearing their own version of that crown.

6). I am present every second of every minute of every day for Spirit's guidance. I offer my physical and spiritual eyes, ears, touch and mind to the Holy Spirit's presence and God's commands for Me in My life.

7). I will honor, respect and be non-interferring to others as they walk Their Journey. It is not my place to guide them, unless asked, and even then be a minimalist. The soul's learning through living as a human is based upon it's experience. As much as I feel I have to teach, someone must reach out for an answer that I have before I am given their souls permission to teach it. Why throw good seeds on soil that is not ready to be part of something growing? Allow each to be. It is their Divine Birthright.

8). Punish myself only once for each mistake I make. Put an end to celebratory rituals honoring the pain I've caused myself and others. Pain is only a cry from somewhere within me to remember that it is loved and not separated from God. It would be cruel to hurt or provoke an injured or pained aspect of another being, and why would it be any less cruel to wield this kind of malice to myself? No More. I forgive myself for not knowing what I didn't know, for doing only what I knew to be the best in every situation, and not being able to know everybodies emotionally tender spots at all times. I have repeatedly fallen short. I will continue to be human for as long as I am alive, and that will include making mistakes. Pre-emptively I am sorry. I promise I will always do my very best with you. Which starts with doing my doing my very best for me.

9). I will remember that when and how I judge others is only a reflection of when and how I judge myself. If I am driven by anger towards others than I am driven by anger towards myself. How can I spread peace if I don't actively forgive myself and allow acceptance to bloom in the garden of my life? If I am angry with others, I will remember that I have tried, judged and sentenced myself first, and the sentence given is usually life-robbing. NO More life robbing self-punishment. Life enhancing support and compassion is a much wiser choice.

I don't need you to define me. I Seek You out for you to See Me.

Acting out of wanting to appear kind, leads us to saying yes when we mean no, and ignoring issues that are standing upright and waving at us in front of our eyes. Saying yes to something that we are truly uncomfortable with, is self-betrayal. The collateral damage we cause, is that the people around us believe something about us that isn't true. Hearts, others and our own, can be bruised by this act. Be genuine with yourself, and then know that being genuine with those around you is the best you can do. Jesus said "the truth will set you free." He didn't guarantee it would make you happy (Thank you Joel!). But wouldn't you rather be genuinely told no, then to later on find out that the person said yes but didn't mean it? I would.

Oh how tricky communication can seem. Having the courage and willingness to be honest with ourselves is the first ingredient in being courageously honest with each other. And this is not permission to be flat-out cruel to ourselves or each other. If we know self-kindness, we can wield our truth with others laden in love. If we know self-truth, we can wield our kindness towards others with no collateral damage.

"Know yourself and you will know God."

-Bob (Marley)

I See You, and you are magnificent radiant beings of Light, and you have Wings.

Let's fly..............................

Love,

Laurie

Embracing Impossible Notions

Good Evening My Friends!

It is unusual for me to write at this hour. The muse has not so gently landed on my shoulder, and urges me to write. Honored, I submit.

Just about every parent of a 3 year old will admit that the question "why?" has become the bane of their existance. At the age of 2, 3, 4 and often older, children are one with their magical thinking. The time in their lives when everything is new, and anything, yes anything is possible. They cannot understand why the grown-ups in their lives can't see the possibility of grown-up impossible notions. I think I got stuck at this level of wonderment, for everything to me is infinitely possible and real.

"Mommy can I bring the dirt and seeds inside and sleep with them? I don't want the seeds to get lonely."

Dreading the thought of cleaning that mess up, she replies without hesitation, "NO."

"Why?"

"It will make a big mess that mommy will have to clean up in the morning."

"Why?"

"Because we can't have dirt in our beds."

"Why?"

"Because it's not normal, and the carpet and sheets will then have to be cleaned."

"Why?"

"Because Grandma is coming this weekend and I already have to clean the rest of the house, and I can't do it all myself!"

"Why?"

etc...................................

For a brief time they know the wisdom of questioning the answers.

As time unfolds, our children stop asking why, and surrender to the agenda of "normal" . Parenting is the toughest of gifts. Being in the moment with our children is sometimes less preferable to having your fingernails removed. But before you know it, the opportunity to be present as this person emerges into the world, is gone. It often feels easier to be dismissive when they ask the seemingly impossible of you. Reading another book, when you have no clean underwear for work tomorrow, dinner dishes are still in the sink, it's 8:45 p.m. and you've been up since 5 a.m.. It all starts to blend into one overwhelming experience, and then before you've had adequate time to complain, they are gone, and there is no one to complain to or about. Except yourself. And as for me, I have heard my long tortured story

ad-nauseum.

Alice comments repeatedly that her father often had 6 impossible thoughts before breakfast. Oh how that man's willingness to embrace magic charmed his daughter. Not only was Alice charmed, but she learned to embrace impossible notions. She learned to ask questions, and to expect answers, even if she had to find them out for herself. The gift of embracing impossible notions is very underrated. As a societal adult whole, we have learned to embrace answers, any answers, even if they are answers that are joy-robbing and mental border enforcing. How blessed to be a person who answers questions for the others. How magical to be the person who questions the answers of their own lives.

We surrender our magic with our desire to play hop-scotch and share our peanut-butter-and jelly sandwiches with the squirrels. How sad to witness the willing surrender of joy in someone we love.

Many times in my life I have had the honor of witnessing people standing on the edge of their lives, wanting desperately to take flight. I have gently tapped them on the shoulder and pointed to their backs. Shocked, they find that they have wings, and can fly past the edge of the abyss that had kept them imprisoned in their limited agenda's. But they have never flown. And how does one care for wings if one has them? And what if the wings fail, and falling ensues, and what if they aren't really deserving of being magic afterall?

Most times it has been easier for these people to deny their magical, and powerful wings, and go trodding back to the agenda's from which they were fleeing. I watch with a tear in my eye, smile understandingly at their choice, flutter my wings above the edge and remain in hope as they walk away.

I believe that it won't always be this way. I believe that courage is tough, and embracing impossible notions about ourselves is even tougher. The price we pay in mustering our fearlessness and living extraordinary and brave lives is rewarded with true Joy, incredible self-knowledge and empowerment.

The minute we stop questioning the answers, is the minute we choose normal over extraordinary. For me there is no option. I continue to question the answers, and find life to be an adventure filled with joy-filled sorrow, and love-filled aloneness. The sky is the limit, and there is no sky. The enchanted life and world I live in is worth it.

Believing the impossible into possibility is your destiny.

I invite each of you to question your answers, and continue to embrace at least 6 impossible notions before breakfast. Shouldn't that be life's most essential RDA?

Surrender your enslavement to what you think you should be, and embrace the beautiful magic of what you dream to be. Miracles happen when you fearlessly take flight!

Much Love,

Laurie

...on Earth as it is in Heaven.

Hello. Today we are talking about the caterpillar experience.

The Butterfly- Oh the accolades it receives and indeed has earned. It is a beautiful testimony of faith and change within the beingness of who we truly are. There would be no butterflies without the caterpillar experience.

The caterpillar lives it's life earthbound, it has at least 3 sets of legs and 3 sets of claws, depending on the variety. Each caterpillar molts, or loses it's previous skin 5 times, each time called a star. The fifth star caterpillar is about 55 days old and is now ready to conquer Cocoon Building 101. Having 6 legs and 6 grasping pincher claws must keep the caterpillar feeling absolutely dependent on solid footing. As I watch the caterpillar move about, it's supple body seems to hug the surface on which it walks so closely. Often it seems to become one with the surface it is holding onto. Every morning it wakes up to it's new caterpillar day. It stretches it's six or more legs and yawns, searching with it's eyes for it's first meal of the day. It moves and learns and becomes, knowing only it's caterpillarness, and that is enough.

At the end of it's caterpillar life it goes to rest in a cocoon. It then becomes a chrysalis. Having faith that the elements and other life around it will secure it's safety, the caterpillar let's go into the process of metamorphosis and surrender's it's entire identity. It has been proven at Georgetown University that moths and butterflies retain memories created during their lifetime as a caterpillar or larvae(see link at end of post-quite interesting). I call it pre-morphic memory. The amazing aspect of this memory is the fact that during the chrysalis experience the caterpillar's ENTIRE
body turns to liquid, and slowly Imaginol cells (true name-google it!) convince the caterpillar soup to become something different. I find it amazing how the power of imaginol-ing is what drives this little creature to embrace it's true beauty. The imaginol cells differentiate into butterfly eyes, butterfly wings, butterfly legs, butterfly appetite, but the caterpillar memory reconstructs within the butterfly. I can only imagine the shock of emerging from this dark and safe space which I entered earthbound, and now find myself leaving able to reach heaven with wings. If we could capture the butterfly's ability to integrate it's new power, we as humans, could indeed bring Heaven to Earth.

On our spiritual path the allegory of the butterfly is often used in reference to our being born again, as in the Christian Spiritual movement. Perhaps we can also see it as a symbol of resurrection as well, if you will. Everyday WE start our spiritual caterpillar day, yawn, stretch our 6 legs and move into our beingness to grow, learn and become. Lo and behold, one day, the caterpillarness of who we are goes into it's cocoon for some well earned slumber. If we allow ourselves safety in this chrysalis phase of our growth, over a short period of time laden with FAITH, we will emerge as a no longer earthbound creation. We will have awakened with wings.

I had always believed that spiritual metamorphosis was my destination. Repeatedly I have witnessed myself giving birth to many butterflies. Finding on this soulful adventure that as I set one aspect of myself free to the gift of flight, a new caterpillar awakens, yawns and reveals itself within me. My soul's journey has become a series of caterpillars, as each aspect of myself yields itself to truly awakening. Metamorphosis is no longer my destination, but the continual journey I am on. Everyday there is something old becoming new again, and hence given permission to be beautiful, radiant and able to soar. Every facet of me that experiences it's chrysalis time resurrects anew. Resurrection is no longer one final act, but an explanation for an entire life filled with Hope, Faith and Radiance. This is the living art-form of Awakening With Wings.

May you have the courage to surrender everything you've been, so that you can become everything you TRULY ARE.......and that is quintessentially beautiful.

XOXOX,

Laurie

On scientificblogging.com search for Study: Butterfly Memory Can Recall Uglier Caterpillar Days

Olivia Newton-John

It is interesting to experience physical pain. I really prefer to call it "intense physical sensation", ever hoping that by not judging it as good or bad I will give it permission to leave. And trust me, I have actually given it permission to leave, out-loud. I have had the experience of migraines which include intense physical sensation in my mid to upper back and neck, since 1992. I believe that anything that is not loving is a call for love. So, I understand that my body is talking to me.

I can hear Olivia Newton-John singing....."Let me hear your body talk....your body talk...". The language of our bodies is complex. Many sciences have spent hundreds of years associating energetic disruptions of our soul, heart and mind influencing physical illness. I have studied many of these mediums, and am yet to resolve this issue within my veryownself. When I experience physical pain, I feel very grounded, almost as grounded as road kill. Yeah, that close with the earth. Although suffering is referred to in the Bible often as something to be honored or even celebrated, it is usually when we suffer for the God within the Greater Good of our Collective Human Family, that the accolades come. I believe that when I suffer without known agenda, my ego is probably involved.

The ego likes things to remain the same. Challenging old belief systems rocks the stability of the egoic frame. This is how my body feels, like it has been shaken fiercely. I bless my ego, and see it embracing it's own truth.....the ability to let go and release into the flow of life. The major blessing of pain is the gift it holds in it's hands for me. The pain comes from within me;therefore, I have been a pain in my own neck.

I have been working through issues regarding my value. I challenge myself daily to embrace my thoughts, feelings and self-expression. The old mental tapes in my head repeating"You are not worthy, You are unloveable" need to be squashed, for their expiration date was sometime in 1984. Imagine eating something that is 26 years post expiration date. Yet that is what my ego likes to feed me( leggo my ego). Overcoming my ego's desire to keep me small and silent is a command in my life. I no longer can pretend that my ego's lies are truth. For the truth is like water, it always finds it's way to the surface....and when I am truly me....I am loved and loveable, valuable and valued, a joy to be around and joy-laden.

What you resist persists. I will not to resist this pain, yet I will to glean the lesson. The gift of my experiences with migraines has taught me to see beyond the judgement of the experience, and opportunity to practice just "being" with the experience. There must be a tremendous understanding gift within these migraine experiences, for they render me to my knees, and I surrender all.

One moment soon, I will come face to face with the lesson of these experiences. Then I will find myself Awakening With Wings every moment.

Listen to your body, for the physical song it sings is a love song to your heart, and a harkening from your soul to remember the truth of who you are.

With great love and Honor for You,

Laurie