if my people

The Journey of UnBecoming

 It often feels as if I as a being am not really moving, it’s just life moving about me in it’s own rhythm and melody.....and the gift is just trusting that after the storms pass everything you are left with are the only things you’ll need for the next adventure.

Allow Judge

Judge not...lest ye be judged ....the problem is in our attachment to labeling parts of ourselves or our lives as wrong, or unfair. Life isn't out to get me. Life goes on with or without my participation in it. Life does not have an agenda towards me. But I have had one towards my life. Happiness doesn't bloom outside of me, it blooms within me. Happiness blooms when I accept my life, all the unexpected facets of it as the way it is supposed to be. In accepting life in this way I let go of my own agenda and it's judgement and I allow God/Universe/Life to show up as it is. When I take the time to step aside and ALLOW life to unfold naturally beautiful things show up. When I take the lead and shove life/God/Universe into the version of beauty I THINK I NEED then life get's unmanageable and misery sets in. God shows up thru me as me when my agenda is dismantled. In every moment of surrender there is a choice of disciplining myself to trust that ALL THINGS ARE HAPPENING IN MY HIGHEST AND HOLIEST INTEREST WITHOUT MY INTERFERENCE. Serenity manifests when I let go and allow life to happen without my judgement or attachment to an outcome.

Karma and Grace

Grace and Karma

I was at church in a group and we all were sharing. Someone in the group took the personal information I had shared and tried to wield more pain into my woundedness. I explained how hurt I felt as a result of the comments. He laughed. I got up and left the group. I realize he was echoing the pain I was already feeling. If we are each experiencing our journey as lessons learned and gifts gleaned, then indeed must we ever apologize for hurting someone? This man has never apologized, and has relished in the thought of having contributed to my pain, which he even told me I was not experiencing. He had a spiritual epiphany last week, and woke up to his life. But he thinks that Grace supercedes all previous actions, and negates his karma and need for an apology. Is this true?

When I awoke in my life, I was tremendously humbled. I saw how I had created a thought paradigm at age 4, in order to survive, and how 41 years later I was still living it. I saw the immaturity of that thought system and how it undermined me as the light I am, and the vast amount of collateral damage it caused to those around me. I started making amends out of humility, and asking for forgiveness. The hardest person to get forgiveness from was myself, but it came.

Are we really to act any way we wish, and toss the consequences aside? Are we to be unkind even cruel to each other and to hell with the impact, because if we hurt or caused fear in someone else it is their issue to deal with, their lesson to learn, and we have actually done them a favor? This is so tough for me to wrap my head around. Isn't there an accountability we all have to each other, through the sacred contract of our words, and an accountability to our unity in Oneness through our deeds? I realize I cannot make someone apologize to me or anyone else. I also realize that we all walk a different path, but the closer we move into the light, don't we all see the same Truth? Isn't there one truth?And isn't that one truth laden with integrity,integratedness of being? What we do to the part impacts the whole, and we are responsible for the betterment of each other through the betterment of ourselves. Does grace absolve us from being responsible and kind in our actions with others?

If Indeed Grace negates our responsibility to each other, then is this the world we will create as the old one passes away? Creating a new earth system that works for everyone would require integrity and kindness to be a given. If only a few live by the code of integrity and kindness, then there will be little accountability, and then governments will arise again, since we humans as a majority can't seem to master kindergarten lessons 101.

The new earth I envision is a world beyond mental and physical borders. A world where our hearts and souls are safe to be honest and real. A world where malevolence is obsolete, and compassion is the holy currency we exchange. Where the One Truth, the One Unity In the One God resides and rules our individual expression, no governments are needed.....for we are led by the purest place of all....our heart.

The above questions are not rhetorical in nature. Responses would be greatly appreciated.

May seeds of truth bloom in your essence so that you can remain in Love's pure cascade,

Laurie

I am the mer-angel to encourage you as you choose between sinking or swimming. Not literal, see as an analogy. Sinking has it's advantages.  Letting go of any illusions of control and having faith that you will not succumb to the unknown beneath you, can free you. For you will not perish, but new life will be breathed into you. Try not to judge one option over the other, for they are your options and are only being  presented to you in symbolic fashion. Swimming can be energy depleting, yet gives one the illusion of accomplishment, in it's constant repetitive motion. Perhaps flowing with the current of your life, and losing your need to navigate so fiercely would be an option as well. Like Floating on the still water interrupted periodically by it's swells. I am merely to be your cheerleader and can help as your safety net when you need respite. 

This is our journey. We are both student and teacher, cheerleader and quarterback, nights reprieval of day. There is a reciprocity that has started, and will gently unfold.

 

That was the message I received last night.

 

Todays message:

INNER PEACE

Trusting God/the Universe always in ALL Ways. Speak these words to your entire self:

I have peace of mind and heart.

I am infused with exuberance.

Affirm these truths on all levels of your U-ness.

 

Romans 12:11-Do not lack in zeal.

Sizzle with enthusiasm.

 

There is a silence into which the world cannot intrude.

There is an ancient place you carry in your heart, and you have not lost it.

Seek it's comfort and acceptance.

Open to it's voice, and hear your Truth speak to you.

There is a Holy place within you that sin or fear has never touched.

Solace from time's commands, losing yourself into your childlike wonder.

All of this, in this moment today, you now remember.

 

You Are The Light Of The World

 

Frequency of light varies. Used by His divine nature to attract those lost in their darkness, unto Him, the eternal source of Light.

Attraction to the light is strong in those who feel it's absence, and are awake enough to notice something lacking in their physical experience of "now". Some may need just a spark of light. Others will require a burning bush. Each of you has the Light Source within, emnating as Divinely ordained.

 

There is no judgement in the varying of light frequencies. For darkness cannot overcome the light, on all planes. In a darkened room, there is poor if any perspective. Light a match in that darkness, and the darkness is driven away. Nothing can be hidden , and perspective can be adjusted. Stand in a lighted hall and open a door to a darkened room, the darkness cannot come streaming out and overcome the light. The Light will always Illumine that which surrounds and beholds it.

For those who are attracted but new to the light, a small spark will draw them closer. Some of you are to hold that spark and honor it, for you are the Light Greeters. Those who carry the burning bush of light are used to attract all Light Workers and those in search of an expeditious  form of enlightenment.

Do not push energy. Do not pull energy. This is the state of ALLOW. 

Allow your light to shine, no matter it's frequency. No attempts to minimize or accelerate. Being in the sacred presence of your Light, non-judgementally, gives  Spirit permission to control the fire and light energy within you.

You are a Cultural Creative being open to spirit moving in, through and around. Inherently the artist of your life.

Cultural Creatives have a bigger awareness - that our life holds necessary significance. Our life holds purpose, and this awareness cannot be destroyed. Although many have chosen to work very hard to ignore it's yearnings.

We are the Light of the World, Christ's love manifesting through us. The Spirit of the Eternal God shines through us, even when all seems dark. We are allowed to feel the darkness so we can know our ability to transform it. We can change the shape and purpose of our darkness through our intentionality. As Light Carriers we have a knowing-of being part of the healing, loving and rebirthing of this world. We grow up to our purpose in the now. Blooming into our full magnificence.

 

In the Beginning, Divine Mind became Itself. Jehovah- meaning the Eternal Living. This represents the masculline side of our duality. It is the offering.

Then the Holy Spirit was brought into manifestation as a silent stillness. This manifests as the feminine, receptive presence.

Creation continually pours into and through us. Through Spirit we continually give ourselves over to remebering and manifesting both offering and receiving.

How we speak, write, behave and believe exposes the intentinality of our living.

As hard as we may try, we cannot take a vacation from our Spirit. For we have always been, and will always be. Allow your life.

Do not look for problems to solve. Experience the now,with it's  gullies and mountains, as a process to be experienced. Allow the river of your life to flow effortlessly through you.

 

Affirmation: Divine Spirit moves around me and through me expressing I am the Light of the World.

 

New ideas can only come through in a field  of receptivity. Affirm: We are a receptive presence for Divine and Holy energy to manifest through.

We are the ones we've been waiting for. To be present at this time, as a sacred witness for Heaven's manifestaion on Earth.

On earth as it is in Heaven. H.O.P.E.-Heaven On Planet Earth. 

Above information is for you, and many others, but as far as the intention it was given with, it was meant initially for you-all those who seek it.

If it makes sense good. Perhaps just a planted seed.  I just do what He asks, and try not to get into His way. 

It feels to me like God is offering you something firm and sound to stand on as you create the next phase of your life. And, that we were drawn together to support and assist each other, for I am just laying the foundation of my creation of me.

XOX

Laurie 

 

 

Seeing God

We had walked the walk.

We had felt the feelings.

We had withstood the battles and held our sacred ground.

We had been beaten, we had won, we had retreated, we

had forged ahead....

We let go

We accepted

We held tight to the truth of who we were,

 The Tribe Of Light on Planet Earth.

We breathed,

We tasted,

We loved

We hated

We dreamt

We sacrificed self for less than divine causes

We knew torture

We tormented

We slept through our beauty

We awakened in the the middle of the hell we created while

 we were numb to our power

We sang

We danced

We cried and cowered

We learned

We grew

And then we knew...

Our ability to create our life lies in the magic of every

 moment, fueled by our brutal self honesty.

En masse we ascended Heavens staircase to see His face.

 To sit at His feet and feel His life creating divinity.

Together we stood at the door to His Chamber

.

The lights went out and we were gently ushered into the

 room. We could feel Him. We could sense that we were i

n the Presence of someone so powerful and loving that 

wounds could be healed with His fragrance and Universe's

 could be altered by His whisper.

Then the Light streamed forth from over head nearly 

blinding us.

"Welcome Home!" we heard,

"Open your eyes and behold the 

Ever Living God!"

And then we saw it.....a mirror 

within a mirror within a

mirror........we held our hands 

up to touch the mirror, but

glass, we did not touch. Our 

hand was met by our own

hand, an eternal image of us

 reaching out to join past

present and future versions of

 who we truly are...

For we are God.

You are wise, beautiful and wondrously made.

Love and Light, Laurie

Hello Again....

Wow....I can't believe how much I really need the bigger font.....soon to be 49 and oh the changes in my body.......strange..I never really thought my life would go past 15...so almost 50 is kind of an odd concept.......how did I get here? , and then how do I get to where I want to go?

(reality now kicking in...)

Oh, goody, now I get to figure out where do I want to be? Who do I want to be? What is mine alone to do?? How can I be of service to The All through each and every one of my brothers and sisters? What are my talents, and how do I channel them to honor You Father God in the highest and holiest way? How can I contribute to my own happiness and SUSTAIN it with the delicate balance of courage and innocence?
I have fixed lawn mowers,dishwashers, garbage disposals, washers, dryers, car windows, replaced toilets, changed the brakes on my car, emotionally supported and financially taken care of a family for 25+ years, mostly alone, but with the utmost beloved company as God my father and husband of my heart. Of these things I am certain. He is in constant company with me, I just wish He would show up for me in male human form.....just a true friend....no booty call necessary.

Secretly, in a place where only one other being dwells with me, I am fulfilled spiritually, yet there is this enormous, huge, giant, humungous physical, mental, emotional and energetic space that I am having some trouble filling alone. The fun part is that I get to figure out how to fix this on my own. I have felt so elevated and loved in Spirit, that no ordinary man would ever do for me. I must have extraordinary. Am I spoiling myself? Yep,...but it is time for me to shine as me!!!! And as much fun as I am having, I have it alone, asleep or in my writing. And an obvious deduction, to anyone who may even remotely know me, would know that the more I sleep the more labile my sense of self. As if just by tuning out the world and tuning into me keeps pulling me forward onto this path, my "sleep escape" is a habit that I am ready to lose. I want so desperately to feel fulfilled that I physically ache for it. I have run from this longing for many years, which comically, has only perpetuated the hunger for said fulfillment. God help me find the paid occupational path I am to walk, sprint and run, for I feel so out of place in the "working world".

My destiny stands in my periphery, always summoning me with a beckoning finger....and it runs my dream space.....there is work for me to do for the Magdalene......the expected one.....I want to grow in my love and devotion for you Father God do I need to go to France and study with the Magdalene Order to succeed?......I surrender all I am....every last bit of it it I give to You...just tell me what to do in an ordered and clear way, so that I may excell in every phase of my life. Am I to study the Magdalenes handwritten message?........I really want touch it.....for she is our mother, and I want to know her more intimately. Am I to teach? Am I to write? Am I to speak? I am listening...please help me hear You.
So I keep following the signs, and trusting that everything that shows up on my path is a teacher, and trusting that unless I am clearly instructed otherwise, I am going in the right direction. Help me feel fulfilled, cuz out in the physical "work world" I feel so out of place. I am absolutely at my happiest and most peaceful when I am writing, so Lord God, I count on You to send me an enthusiastic and successful publisher who will share the fruits of the love affair your Spirit has with my fingertips and the QWERTY keyboard.

It is Now April 2012 and I now realize that I need go nowhere to do the work that is mine to do. I have the winning lottery ticket to me.....all I need is to look within, and honor the Magdalene there. Thank God.

Am I slow, as in short-bus slow, or does it take most of us a while to really glean the messages that God puts in our lives? Oh well, alas, I am me....I learn at my pace and as the Indigo Girls so eloquently put it "learning to face your path at your pace makes every choice worth your while."
Amen.
Love and Light, Laurie

Writing the Scripts of Our Lives

~We all write our own scripts for our lives, and we do so with each thought and action.

 If you want to be a hero in your life than find a heroine to spend time with. 

Taking "victim" minded people into your life will one day make you  their "victimizer"....

We create the roles and characters needed in the movie of our life. If we have an unloving agenda towards ourselves we will write roles and command forth those who will support and drive our own feelings of un-loveability. If we chose to have an agenda of love, openness and kindness to self then those supporting characters will also show up, helping reveal how truly amazing we are. When we need someone to play a specific part we draw them in. Make today the greatest version of your highest self. Feel free to re-write your script at every given now................................~

For many, MANY years I prided myself in being able to fix everything for everyone I knew. Yep, that's right, I was a co-dependent extraordinaire! I am sure this talent of my old self was the primary reason I became a nurse. Juggling everybody elses balls in the air was considered a "gift" in my head....until their balls started landing on my head....and at my feet.

I am me. I chose to be me. I can never be another person, can never think exactly like another person, feel exactly like another person, experience what it is like to actually physically "be" another, so how could I ever clean up their messes the way they needed them cleaned up? how could I ever learn their lessons for them in the way they needed to learn them? how could I ever make the decisions for them, without ever having had walked even one baby step in their lives as them? There came a time in my life when I had to let everyone elses balls fall...and take responisbility for my own. This may sound easy, but indeed, it was unpleasant and heartfelt painful. Everyone who had been relying on me to juggle for them quickly noticed. That's when in their eye's I became a "bitch" and a "let down".

Trying to live someone elses life for them and struggle through their mire of "baggage" made me feel like a hero, like a success. My self worth was dependent upon the way others saw me, the way others felt about me, the way others interpreted my actions. The World Class Other's Ball Juggler was how I knew my value. What a shock to me when I found out that no matter how well I juggled their balls, at some point they would meander out of my path, and thereby take my sense of value, self and worth with them.

This was when I learned the greatest lesson of my life:

I determine my value, worth and loveability by who I am to ME, how I feel about ME, what I think about ME and my actions, and therefore how I interact with the world around me as ME. So no matter who or what wanders in and out of my life I remain intact and whole and absolutely valuable, worthy and lovable and able to make my life right no matter what happens.

Then I had to take responsibility for the collateral damage my unkind thought paradigm had caused. There were others who had no idea how to juggle their own lives since I had done it for them.When I left them to figure out what to do with their own lessons, struggles and challenges I became "persona non grata", AND ***BONUS*** I had to learn to feel good about me in spite of their opinions. That point in my life totally sucked. Difficult, hard, trying, challenging...these words come no where near the depth of fear, frustration and anger I experienced. I had juggled their balls for them for so long through such difficult times, how could they be so unkind and ungrateful???? Unfortunatley it took a great deal of time to figure out that I had been doing them a great disservice. They needed to learn how to juggle their own balls, and how to manage their losses when the "balls came tumblin down" (John Mellencamp pseudo-reference for all you groovy people out there), and how to have confidence in their own ability to make their lives right again.

Having marched forward through that time yielded a new, holier and more solid me. forged by fire so to speak (which by the way I think would be an awesome name for a coffee shop- Forged By Fire). Everyday I am afforded the opportunity to go back to my original script thinking and acting.....pleasing others as the goal, by meeting their agenda's and expectations of me or choosing something more self kind. THANK GOD I now know that "be"ing me is the greatest gift I can give myself and the world around me. Trusting others to find and follow their own destiny is now a relief, although at times some of my stronger friends have to remind me when I slip into Juggler status.

About a week ago, I slipped into Juggler mode, or maybe I needed an instant "ego" boost so I created the situation to serve my ego at that moment. Either way, here is what I have learned:

We all write the script for our lives, including the supporting cast, that will meet our imagined "needs". If I am used to feeling like a victim then I will either attract a victimizer into my life, or attract someone into my life who will be invested in "fixing" me and my situation. Either way, they are set up for failure...for what I am really looking for is someone to help me continue to play the victim, and if that is my script, then no matter how hard you try to help me, one day I will make you my victimizer. If I need to feel in control then I will attract people who want to be controlled, or will become manipulative in my relationships, either way, I will force my need for control onto you and our relationship. If I feel unloveable then I will attract people who willingly degrade me, or I will act unloveable until, exhausted you will give in and admit that I just may be unloveable. We get what we expect. On the flip side....I chose to see myself as loveable so I attract people into my life who not only find me and my nature beautiful, but people who are in love with who they are as well, and together we fall in love with each other. I choose to see myself as a success, so I attract success filled situations and opportunities into my life, along with people who are on their own authentic success journey's, and together we create a world where their is enough success to go around for everyone to recieve and revel in.

Be You. Please. As you are right this moment you are beautiful enough, worthy enough, valuable enough, magnificent enough and lovable enough. Just sitting right there, breathing in and out as YOU....that's all you have to do and be. We are not here to act out some death defying feats to impress others. We are here to do what is ours alone to do. Finding someone who digs your journey as much as they dig their own is an absolute miracle. For those of you who have that someone I bless your love and light. For those of us who wait for that kind of companionship to find us I pray that we eagerly reach out to each other, and recognize our own inherent beauty within another, until we remember it first hand for ourselves. Love will claim us all, it already has. We just need to remember........

All my love to all of you,

Peace to your hearts and to the hearts of all those you love,

Laurie

Life Lesson's Fun Facts

My Dear Friends,

I pray that this note finds each of you buoyed in an ocean of love, passion and abundance. As this is my dream for me, so shall I hold it sacred in my heart for each of you as well.

I have learned so much about me and this 3-d world we live in since I started my sales job on January 12, 2011! I’ve learned that those who need me will find me, and the teachers I need will show up for me.

About 8 months ago I went to the beach and begged, pleaded, cried, screamed, demanded, commanded, and begged again, for God, Spirit and Jesus to lead me to my destiny, as this had been my prayer over the last 4 years. “SEND ME A TEACHER!(stomping my feet)….I WANT TO LEARN …..I WANT TO BE TAUGHT(jumping up and down)…..I AM TIRED OF LEADING(crying)……SEND ME A SPIRITUAL TEACHER(wailing, various facial fluids dripping off my chin)………JUST TELL ME WHAT TO DO VERY CLEARLY AND I WILL DO IT GOD(beating my chest)…….…REMEMBER THAT I AM IN A FINITE HUMAN CONTAINER AND I NEED YOU TO BE VERY CLEAR WITH ME(hands in the air, wiping my nose with a crunchy old napkin I found in my sweater pocket)……IF YOU CAN’T GET YOUR GOD HEAD AROUND THE IDEA OF BEING LIMITED , BECAUSE YOU ARE WITHOUT LIMIT, THEN I SUGGEST YOU GO CHAT IT UP WITH YOUR SON, JESUS. HE ENCOUNTERED THIS VERY ISSUE DAILY DURING HIS TIME HERE ON EARTH, GO ASK HIM, HE‘LL GIVE YOU THE 411 ON BEING HUMAN(pointing fiercely at the sky in a scornful manner)….. BE THE LAMP UNTO MY FEET NOW…………….PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!! “, and on and on and on……

This Goddess turned a simple request into a full on bitch session and a temper tantrum……and THEY were listening……..

Apparently the Universe has a response time of about 5 months, kinda like my e-mail response time and it comes just as asked for. So when I started my new job in sales and found myself presented with oh so many opportunities to learn, adjust, ACCEPT and then let go, I did what most wise spiritual mystics do….I resisted. Ha! It seems that I learn the depth of the gift in the situation before me if I resist it vehemently to begin with. I would love to write here that I embrace all change and new situations with wisdom and tranquility from a very balanced space within me, unfortunately that would be a blatant lie (and I suck at lying, mostly because I can barely remember if I ate today, so remembering some lie I told always get’s me busted.). There is a great phrase that I quote often, whom the brainiac is that coined this phrase is I do not know, but to her/him I give the kudos.

“What you resist, persists.”

Yep,…..and it won’t leave no matter what means of denial you use to pretend it doesn’t exist. Bottle of wine? Shot of tequila? Bong hit? Chocolate? A loaf of hot French bread and some melted cheese? Working too much? Sleeping too much? Shopping? Complaining? Bitching about the not getting laid? Having too much sex? Screaming? Crying?……..nope, anything that takes your attention away from your integrity and the challenge at hand will not make it go away. The only antidote for the irritant right in front of you is to embrace it, and search it thoroughly with your heart.

Honestly, my first approach to something potentially painful and internally labor intensive is done with my scientific mind. I make a decision to be brave and turn around and acknowledge the cleverly disguised gift in front of me. I have had the gift of “learning patience” show up in the most adorable outfits, smelling of tremendous naivete (which incidentally carries the aroma of baby powder, go figure) ….and usually is very young and totally unaware. The gift of "humility" showed up in a nurses uniform, with a name tag that had clinical manager on it, a cigarette hanging out of it’s mouth and same zeal I have for the “F” word. Not sure if ya’all have noticed, but my gifts seem to come to me in the EXACT OPPOSITE FORM OF WHAT I AM TO LEARN ! Really cool right?

(eavesdropping on God’s conversation with my guardian Angel Ezriel about 2 years ago)

“hhmmmm…Looks like it’s time for Laurie to learn some inner peace, so how are we stocked for drama and chaos Ezriel? Got anything lined up? Perhaps she is ready for an “inner peace-release from stuff” combo? So go ahead and send some drama her way, and decrease her income so she can learn to let go of all that crap she has accumulated over the years trying to avoid these lessons. But send her sweetness, yes a grand-daughter will be good, and bless her relationships with her youngest daughter and her sister and her friend Kelly. We wanna help her learn and let go, not destroy her.”

Making a conscious decision to approach a potential emotional major

“ow-wie” is kinda like admitting you are 22 unmarried and 7 months pregnant to your parents whom you live with( been there tried to do that). There just ain’t no way around it. Approaching the little gift at hand with my analytical mind buys my heart a little time to prepare for the sword of truth that is about to come millimeters from my emotional jugular, it maintains some illusion of control, and comforts me. My mind introduces the “gift” to my heart with an amazing inspirational cheer. “You got this Laurie! You can do this! It is another wonderful gift coming to strengthen and support your journey! Embrace it! This will only Bless your journey! You are awesome!“

Rah-freakin -rah….woot wooot…yee-haa another lesson to learn. Yet, reliably, the closer I get to the core of the situation, the more I realize that the only control I really do have is how I chose to respond to it…..then the tears come……and I let go.

“shit just got real”…..in my face.

The next thing I do is send love to the situation and bless it, and wink at my heart, good Lord it is so strong! Letting go of the fear is different from resisting fear, which would fall back into the category of “Life Lesson Avoidance Techniques” addressed several paragraphs prior. I have often heard(and quoted) “Don’t be afraid”, “Trust”, “have Faith”…….sure, those truths are easily shared when the issue at hand has nothing to do with the loving advice giver. And honestly, my initial gut reaction to that advice when it lands in my face is “Screw you! Easy for you to say! I am the one who is going to have to do all the emotional and spiritual work here and this kind of pain BLOWS……” or something similarly self-pitying, yet eloquent.

This weekend I found myself at a sales and distribution conference in Charlotte, NC. I was panic stricken for the first hour and a half of the drive. I had become a distributor for an anti-aging line of products that I really knew nothing about. What I did know, was that I was being spiritually internally commanded to do so, something to do with “walking my destiny”.

I drove to Charlotte, found relaxation and solace in seeing my old friends the mountains again (yes I realize that the hills in Charlotte are not technically mountains, but Myrtle Beach is 10 feet below sea level and flatter than 5 day old road kill, so cut me some slack please). I was supposed to register for the conference on-line but as I currently am without “Internet Security” (food is more of a priority than renewing my Nortan Anti Virus plan), I chose not to post my bank card # on-line. I had notified my upline that I would be attending and contacted the kind woman in charge to reassure her that I would be attending. Due to the financial gift I am learning now ( to be open to receive and feeling worthy) I did not have a hotel room, so a lovely woman in my upline hooked me up with the guy who drives the company RV across the USA, who just happened to be the gentleman leading the conference. I was graciously invited to stay in the RV for free. Somehow, I got the impression I would be staying in the RV alone or with my friend who was interested in going, or maybe I assumed I would be staying in the RV alone.

I got to the conference 5 minutes before it was to start. I knew nobody there, and tried to find the leader Alan, without any success. I have always been that person who sits right in the front of the classroom under the teachers nose…no seats up front so I sat in the 4th row, behind groups of people hugging and laughing with each other. Alan came in and we got started. It was interesting. He referred to “intention” suggested that the distributors send “love and loving intention” to their clients/prospects, he addressed the fact that we all have thought paradigms that prohibit or EMPOWER us, and encouraged everyone to address their blocks to their success, he spoke about thinking outside of your normal paradgims, what traditionally has been called “the box”. He talked about human reaction to change and the perception of change as influenced by our fear or faith. People around me were intrigued and perplexed….how do we address our blockage? How do we figure out what our blockage is? Where does my blockage come from? What is outside the box? How do you set an intention? How can love EMPOWER? I could hear others muttering “Ignore your fear.“ “Think past your fear”, “Destroy your fear!” It was all I could do to remain sitting and quiet. I know how to explore every one of these issues with other humans, and how to help each eager person to do the archeological dig of self that will reveal the answers they need to BE THEIR DIVINE AND HOLIEST SELF

LlVING THEIR DIVINE AND HOLIEST DESTINY!

And it all starts with addressing your fear with no resistance in an absence of self-judgement.

Have you ever seen a frightened child? I was a frightened child, and had a father who would scream at me for being afraid, in fact, he would threaten my life because I was afraid. FUN FACT: fear can only be dissolved with love, threatening someone in fear only amplifies the fear.

I wanted to get up and address the audience. I KNOW ALL THIS STUFF! I KNOW HOW TO HELP, BECAUSE I DID IT ALL FOR MYSELF!!!! YIPPEEE ALL THAT HARD INTERNAL WORK, NOW I GET TO USE IT, SHARE IT, HELP OTHERS FIND PEACE AND JOY !!!!

And so I wrote a small note and tried to give it to the facilitator.He barely remembered the phone calls I had with him, or the fact that I was supposed to stay in the RV……he made suggestions of what we should address within ourselves and I wanted us to break into groups to work on identifying our blockages, and help each other see where we resist giving or receiving or being a team player or resist our magnificence, ……….but instead we worked on an affirmation.

Now maybe I am unique in this thought, but in order for an affirmation to work don’t you have to believe you are worthy of it’s request and vision?

If you want to build a team, then you have to address what the team needs to become strong. Confidence, Worthiness, Value, Love-ability, Sincerity-these personal knowings for each team member directly impacts the efficacy of the team. For if your team members do not have confidence, or self value or a inner knowingness of worth, how can they ever sell their dreams to another? And isn’t that what we are doing? We are sharing a personal story of our life with another being, telling them how this business can bless them, and how it can bless us……if the sales person/distributor is not convinced of his/her own worthiness is he or she ever going to ask for the credit card in a sale? NO!

A TEAM IS ONLY AS STRONG AS IT’S WEAKEST LINK…….AND IF YOUR TEAM DOESN’T FEEL WORTHY, AND HAS NO IDEA HOW TO DISSOLVE OLD THOUGHT PARADIGMS THAT KEEP THEM FEELING UNWORTHY, THEN THE TEAM WILL NOT FLOURISH OR PRODUCE……!!!!!! Trust me on this……my mothering skills were infused with old paradigms of unworthiness and it seriously created huge challenges within my children for them to accept their own inherent value.

I became frustrated, and as I had gotten no more than 5 hours of sleep any given night the week before I was way tired as well. So I dialogued internally….do I take the leader aside and give him all my suggestions? Do I share my suggestions with my group when we were supposed to be writing our stories and affirmations, usurping others time and their work productivity? Or do I behave, and not give Alan the note I had written, and not say anything, because playing small is safer, and I hadn’t pissed anyone off yet at the conference, except the guy whose water got knocked over by my curvaceous behind? So I decided that I would sleep on it all, and share with Alan on Sunday., and besides, I really wanted to get my affirmation done, and help others if they were open to it, and I couldn’t wait for the product description part of the program.

Unfortunately the product description part of the program started at 8:15 pm….the lovely millionaire couple got up in the front of the room and the enchanting woman shared what she carried in her purse, and then shared the products she uses on her face, her daily regimen….and as her husband jokingly commented on the PV she had no trouble meeting every month, I was doing the math in my head, trying to figure out how I could afford to only use the company products and keep on eating and paying my electricity bill. I wanted to know what was in these things…what kind of ingrediants? What was the research? Do these products that work with our bodies on the genetic level make us GMO? Is is safe? Is it good for our bodies? Are the ingredients all natural? What are our business core values? What is our mission statement? What do we as a business aspire towards? Do you know that krill oil is essential in treating in auto-immune diseases, including kidney disease? That Ginkgo cures Raynauds, and significantly decreases the symptoms of PVD? Have they used the spa device to administer medications or treat arthritic joints? Has reiki ever been used on the products before they are put on the skin?

OH MY GOD!!!!! I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY, ASK, SHARE!!!!

But I said very little. I was a tired and afraid to piss anyone off when I didn’t have the mental clarity to hold my ground with the challenging thoughts that were going through my brain. So again, I decided to sleep on it.

Finally at 10:50 pm we moved into the lobby and Alan lead us in a mediation. It was a sweet sincere meditation , which I am sure took many people out of their comfort zone. I felt comforted by the familiarity of the chakra meditation. At 11:45 the night was over,I was collecting myself when I heard several gentleman talking about spending the night in the RV. 20 years ago I would have gladly joined them and kept the party going out there, but I was tired, feeling vulnerable, didn’t have the $ for a hotel room and wondered what I was going to do. Then Alan gathered the team leaders together and started preparing them for the Sunday events. He instructed the leaders to be hard on us, to whip us into shape, because we all showed up to strengthen our East Coast Team, and we wanted to be whipped into shape.

FunFact: Whipping someone into shape by being really hard on them, while the person being molded has no self-confidence or sense of worth will only undermine your team creation. Teach each team memeber how to heal and love and trust themselves and then they will naturally step into the leadership role that is inherently and divinely theirs. If someone has no self-worth or weak confidence, then, and trust me on this, they are already whipping themselves more brutally than anyone else could ever do. And all the harshness with which they are being treated only CONFIRMS THE UNHEALTHY PARADIGMS THAT ARE CURRENTLY RULING IN THEIR HEADS!

I had to make a choice, to go sleep for 6-7 hours in an RV with several men who I don’t know, challenging my safety issues(been raped 6 times by acquaintances in the last 21 years) and would require more energy then I had at that moment, with a day of “being whipped into shape with harshness” to look forward to…….so I breathed in and out, prayed, and then I lied.

And I HATE lying. I always rat myself out.

I told my group leader that my daughter had called and needed me to come home. And I left.

I was too tired to stand up for what I believe in, and I really didn’t want to ruffle any feathers. So I took the easy way out. And when I got home at 4 am my daughter was glad to see me, and I fell asleep before my head hit the pillow.

I am proud of me. I am worthy of great and glorious things, and I have amazing insights to share and inspire. But for today, I will rest, and issue forth an apology to anyone who may feel let down by my inertia. I am exhausted and still none the wiser about the business I became a part of. I did learn two things that will alter my life forever :

1) Our spa device has more potential for use for healing than any other device I have ever seen, because it uses ENERGY AND LIGHT

( the very essence of God hisveryownself).

2) I must contact Margaret Ruby. I have been holding sacred vision for a spiritual teacher for a long time, and she is to be it.

Keep looking for the signs and pay attention to how your life speaks, and the story it tells of you,

Much love to all,

XOX

Laurie

401-206-2676 feel free to call!

Being Human: The Owners Manual

We are born infinite Spirits in a finite experience. Why?

What can this limiting experience teach our eternal selves?

Do we learn to become indifferent to how we feel, thereby dis-empowering our experience as our teacher?

OR

Do we embrace the fullness of our individual being and remember the gift we chose to give ourselves through this human form?

For when we are willing to feel, become and explore our humanity we then give ourselves permission to walk our Destiny.

Some wise amazing person once said

"Know yourself and you will know God."

I can attest to this fact. I know me, the feel of me, the heart of me, the mind of me, the Spirit of me, the complete experience of me and through this I came to know HIM. Not because I am the All of God, but because as a facet of Him I found His complete fractal image within the All of Me.

Being Human is a tricky path to navigate. Especially in this time when old dogma has been dissolved and there is a temptation to replace it with new dogma. It is like quitting smoking and replacing the old bad habit with a new bad habit. We became habitualized to rules.......so we find ourselves in a Spiritually liberating place where the only Rule is Loving Intent.....and we start making new codes, new laws, new regulations with which to "guide" our lives. We are extraordinarily good at taking something as simple as "Live with Loving Intent" and making it complex. I let go of the complexity of life, and surrender to the internal channel markers of my life.

I encourage each of you to do the same.

When you give yourself permission to make mistakes, you give yourself permission to finally LIVE.

I encourage EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU to answer these questions for yourself. DO IT! This is not a test....there are no right and wrong answers.....for you are birthing you here. Approach this activity as you would approach a woman in labor...with tenderness, compassion and courage. For if you take this chance, and answer these questions you will have given birth to the YOU that is needed and loved here and now. You will be born again.

1. What do I believe? About me? About God? About others?

2. Are there parts of me that I live my life in denial of? What aspect of me have I cut off from source, the very heart of me?

3. What do I feel?

4. What am I indifferent to? What do I risk in taking a stand?

5. What emotions do I allow myself to experience? What have those emotions taught me about me?

6. What does self kindness look like and feel like to me?

7. What would it feel like if I made a mistake?

8. What would it feel like if I made a great discovery?

9. What would I experience if my heart got broken?

10. What would I feel if my love for someone caused them to feel pain?

11. How does my indecision in my life serve me? What fearful thought system in my head is supported by my willingness to be indifferent and indecisive?

12. What does self happiness look like to me?

13. What does Love look like to me? Love from others? Love from self?

14. Do I trust myself with my own life?

15. Do I trust myself to feel my feelings?

16. What do I need in order to create a safe place within and around me so that I have the freedom to feel my emotions?

17. What parts of me are waiting for permission to Live?

18. What would it feel like if someone saw all of me and didn't like it?

19. What would it feel like if someone saw all of me and Loved it?

20. How do I show myself Love?

21. How do I let myself play?

22. What is it that I can do alone that makes me happy?

23. Do I forgive myself?

24. What do I need to create within me as a space of forgiveness and healing?

25. What determines whether something is worthy of forgiveness?

If it is hard to answer these questions for yourself, then change the word "I" out and replace it with the word "others".....so often it is easier to give advice than to self-analyze. Your advice is you advising yourself. The harshness with which we judge others is merely a reflection of the harshness with which we judge ourselves, and so should go our kindness.

Being human is a call from your higher self to get deeply connected with your very essence. This is the time and the place to trust yourself to take a stand, be willing to make a mistake, learn how to forgive yourself, let freaking go and LIVE.

And yes it is that easy.

Being YOU is that easy for you. You picked you for a reason, find out why.

Pick something that you love about you and celebrate it. Pick something that you don't like about you and love it. Treat yourself with the tenderness you would extend a new lover, and you will fall in love with you.

Please stop criticizing the nuances of you, and just observe you letting go. Watch yourself as you would watch a child or a puppy at play. There is no guilt, there is only innocence. Explore the boundaries of your courage. What are you willing to fight for?

What are you willing to risk everything for? What are you willing to Love with total abandon in spite of labels and ideas and judgements? Are you willing and ready to be a fool for YOU?

When you show up for yourself, you show up as an Angel in your own life.

The new thought system enables us to not make a sudden move 'cause we don't know all the rules of this new playground, someone might be watchin, and what if we screw up?

FYI: It's new to all of us.....and I guarantee that we are all going to make mistakes, and sometimes those mistakes will hurt, and sometimes those mistakes will guide, and sometimes those mistakes will be a miracle. But you will never experience the joy filled miracles until you are willing to look a fool to YOURSELF. Then realize that we are all a fool practicing being God for ourselves.......and let go into the playfulness around you. Being Human is about having fun, but you've got to be willing to risk a skinned knee or bruised emotional heart to really experience the All of Your Happiness.

Let me know if you get hurt. I will kiss your boo-boos.

It's going to be better than ok. It's going to be a close encounter with Your Loving Highest Self. And that aspect of you is drawing you back to your very own heart.

I love you.

Laurie