A Fisher of Men

Good Day Humankind!

Was yesterday especially challenging/gift-laden for anyone else?

Whew! Yesterday was a doozy. My eyes are still puffy from crying last night and whining with humor to my sister. Thank God for New Beginnings!

Anyway, today I am going to share something very personal with you. I have had a post, or a "want-ad" as I call it, on a web site called Plenty Of Fish. It's a free internet singles thing, where you can view other people and their commentary about themselves, and then message them if you "feel a connection." I've been on the site for 13 months and it has been quite interesting. Yes there are plenty of fish in the sea, but I am watching for someone who is going in the same direction I am, someone who can keep the same travel rate and rhythm while swimming next to me and someone whose life is a light-filled smile.

Succinct, not being one of my strengths, at least with writing, I wrote the following posting of myself. It's some insight into how I see life, relationships and myself. It's just a glimpse, and I hope it helps you feel as if you know me a little better.

Thanks for your time. It's the one thing we can't buy more of.

Taste the Rainbow,

XOX

Laurie

Post:

I love living in and expressing Spirit-We are all the essence of God, and what we do to the part affects the whole. It is time we stop raising hell to our beautiful planet, and master the art of Lowering Heaven. To discover Peace in our world,we must first venture forth to establish Peace Within. If you do not resonate with these truths, then I'm not your girl. If they strike a chord of harmony in your Spirit, please read on. I am not religious, but Spiritual growth is my very breath.

Things I've come to understand:
1.)If a guy wants to spend time with you, he'll call and make himself available to you. If he likes you, he'll call until he reaches you. THANK YOU FOR YOUR PERSISTANCE,WE APPRECIATE IT!

2.)If a guy doesn't call, then let him go because he's JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU(Yes, from the movie-rent it and view it-all y'all). The more a woman sinks her claws into a man who is trying to pull away, the stronger the man's desire to RUN IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION. So, if you guys want to go , then go, just please say good-bye, even if you have to do it from a distance.

3.) Some guys think they are being kind by NOT telling a girl they aren't interested in her. THIS IS NOT KIND, IT SHOWS LACK OF INTEGRITY & CHARACTER. This is not permission to be mean, just say something sincerely kind to her, perhaps a quality of hers that you admire, and then slide in the fact that the chemistry just isn't right. That you both deserve more, and then realize THAT IS THE TRUTH! ***BONUS*** HONESTY=GOOD KARMA! Yeah You!

4.)Time and Gravity spare no one-guys included, and weight and gravity have a way of creeping up on most people. Nothing stays where it started, and some times padding grows in well-used areas. People are as diverse as snowflakes and each one has it's own unique beauty. Try something new, or old, or "out-of-the-box". !*!Magic happens when you take risks guys!*!

5.)Some women get an e-mail from a guy and go from A-a simple hello to Z-married and living happily ever-after. We know that scares the h^*^l out of you, so we try to keep our glowey excitement to a minimum. Try not to let it freak you out too much, we are thinking you are our Prince,so this gives you home-field ADVANTAGE. There are many worse things she could be imagining than that you are of royalty. This gives you an opportunity to be charming and sweet. This is not a game we are playing, it is a twisted form of perception drilled into our heads from day 1 by the cartoon industry. Some women WANT to believe that if you love a beast enough he will turn into a "PRINCE", and that even if we see ourselves as cinder-wearing-unworthy our Prince will come....aahhhh...... If you want to take issue with this, contact the company that propagates this BS. Otherwise, enjoy the dreamy look in our eyes, and just enjoy the delusion we are entertaining. We really do know fact from fiction, it's just fun to be silly Princesses sometimes!
*
When the right guy arrives I will cherish and spoil him....forever.(Happy little princess glowing smile!)
I am a Peace Midwife. Just now becoming strongly aware of the Priestess Power within, and am into wielding my magic to eliminate the illusion of our separateness, uniting us All in the enchanted aspects of our individuality.

If you are interested, message me, and LET'S GET TOGETHER. Will happily amuse you with my witty writing skills, but meeting and actually having fun is the big excitement here. So who's bold enough to go for it? I'll even pay my own way, if I have someone to be silly and laugh with. And , (I hate having to say this) you should understand- I do not do sex as a sport. I've been there, done that,and want more. Yep, another woman holding out for true love. Won't apologize for it, take it or leave it, "Next." I know what I like , and know how to make a man feel 16 again, and again and possibly again.

So enjoy me or leave. It's all good. The right One will get this, and even possibly find it amusing. My goal with this description is to attract The Right Man. One who is committed to spiritual growth, owning his true beauty, wearing his magnificence, and being the brilliant Super-Nova You Are. And you know who you are........

I am a tree hugging,peace seeking ,make love not war kinda girl. I am smart,
and have a great sense of humor,undercover-part time spy and needing a reliable ally.Turn-coats need not apply. I live life from a kind,honest,integrity filled place, grounded in the now,now,now..... Integrity and kindness seem to be precious commodities in todays world. I am four leaf clovers on a magic knoll, the smell of night jasmine in the moist heat of a summers eve, I am the dragon charmer who can convince the dragon to bring forth life from his fiery spirit, I am the line of ants that have no idea where the lead ant is headed but enjoy every step of the journey with my friends, I am the skies irridescent birth of a new day, I am the skeletal remains of every leaf creating a fairy laden star, I am a woman who knows that kisses aren't promises but are precious delicious momentary bits of enchantment, I am the Pan who doesn't refuse to grow up but has no desire to let go of the magnificent charm of innocence,and I protect it wildly,I am the mermaid that has helped sailors rescue themselves for I am wise enough to know that you cannot save someone from the fate they have chosen, I am a part of the sacred circle of all that is mysterious and enchanting and realize that I am as special as the next prince or princess. I am the maiden that needs not to be rescued but to be enjoyed
and cherished, I am the urn that holds the fairy dust that sprinkles joy and hope on the world every moment of every day..
And I am the girl seeking her Enchanted Love.

Thanks!

Collaboration with Destiny

"One meets his destiny often on the road he takes to avoid it."
-French Proverb

"Ideals are like stars; you will not succeed in touching them with your hands. But like the seafaring man on the desert of waters, you choose them as your guides, and following them you will reach your destiny."
-Carl Schurz

Yesterday was a testimony to the humor of the universe. My little sister had a birthday yesterday. I burned 2 cakes trying to make something wonderful for her, for she is wonderful. I cussed like a sailor. I stepped on the cat's already injured foot. I cried when a man offered to love and protect me. Oh how humbling this human experience is.

In his book "Your Sacred Self" Dr Wayne Dwyer writes this about the experience of becoming self aware:
"You will experience and enhance the meaningfulness of coincidences. You become aware that there are no accidents in this intelligent system. You realize that everything that shows up in your life has something to teach you. You appreciate everyone and everything in your life.
With increased awareness that there are no coincidences, you beginto rely on your sense that seemingly unconnected events have meaning. You even begin to create these situations as you need them. You start to know you are partner with fate rather than its victim. Ultimately you come to manage your coincidences and become fate's collaborator."
(Emphasis is mine.).

So we have a hand in our destiny. Our thoughts, which inspire our actions, influence our destiny. The rate at which we meet it. The ease with which we meet it. The ability to embrace it.
These are all midwifed into our lives by our choices.

Does Destiny exist? Yes.

Does The Universe, God or Holy Spirit offer us signs to help guide us to Destiny's birth in our lives? Absolutely.

Do we have the option to overlook the signs and stay committed to our distracting human agenda's? Freely.

Will we still meet with our Destiny if we try to avoid it? Yep, it will keep coming around until you get the message, and the more you resist it, the stronger the signs will become. Some people need a 2X4 to awaken to their destiny. Some need to fall into the same pothole over and over and over again before they gleen the message.

If we pay attention to the signs will we meet with our Destiny in a kinder, gentler embrace?
Without a doubt.

Our Destiny is to awaken to the signs. Our Destiny is to honor the signs. Our Destiny is to embrace our Magic. Our Destiny is to Become the Magic. With magic as the only needed weapon in our arsenal of Love, we remember that we are the creators and the creation. We are powerful in Love.

So why do we resist the ineveitable? Why is it so difficult to see what is before our very own eyes? Our perception and belief systems have been trained to allow failure thinking to override our Divine perception. Falure thinking has served us as a species. Urging us along spirits evolutionary outward spiral to embrace new ways of exploring and perceiving our physical and spiritual thrival at each spiral turn. We have been taught to readily accept the "bad stuff" about ourselves and overlook the good. Not only do we willingly believe the lies of our unworthiness, we allow ourselves to marinate in them. We invite the untruths to permeate every ounce of our being, so we can support the unkind belief system we are participating in. The opportunity to undo these thought paradigm's presents itself to us in every moment. Our innately Divine nature has the power to override all patterns that are without love. The moment we chose to embrace the divinity within ourselves, we surrender our painfilled agendas. There is no darkness in the Light. Light will always over power the dark. Stand in a lightfilled hall. Open the door to a darkened room. Does the darkness come pouring out, or does the light go streaming in? This is the key to infusing our nature with our own light.

"We have the choice between defining ourselves by holy concept or damaging definitions."
- Authors Margaret and David Hiller

"We sow our thoughts and reap our actions. We sow our actions and reap our habits. We sow our habits and reap our character. We sow our character and reap our Destiny."
-Unknown

So believe you are magic , and you will be. Tell yourself repeatedly:
The power of universal creation participates in my holiest dream and my holiest dream participates in the power of universal creation.

"It's in our moments of decision when our destiny is shaped."
-Anthony Robbins
May God and Legions of His Loving Angels touch our hearts and our eyes, so that we may see the signs, and the courage to honor them, so we may honor ourselves and God as He is a part of us.

Peace, Love and Laughter to you all,
XOX
Laurie
P.S. Please pray for me. I am becoming smoke free this Saturday. New beginnings rock!

Switchin' It Up......

Good Morning my Starshine friends!
Today's blog: Creating Fantasies.....................

For many years I believed that if I loved people the way I wanted to be loved, then I would find (dreamy twinkle in my eyes) True Love. So I went through life giving love the way I wanted to receive it. I was telling my fantasies to the world through my own actions, and it attracted very few. I would dream of the right and perfect man saying just the right words, in just the right way with just the right look on his face......and it would all flow impromptu from him without any guidance from me. Oh, how I believed that the right and perfect one for me would already know my needs. Indeed, he would be ready to make me the Sun in his universe, and his life would effortlessly revolve around me. How happy we would be, he would be the milky way galaxy and I would be his centered ball of fire, and together we would be happily ever-after!
I even had a list of questions, and a secret answer list. He would know the code words, and would be able to respond perfectly if he was the right and perfect one for me. I lived alone using this illusion to guide me into love's true embrace.

Then, in 2008, I went to work in Rhode Island. Above mention mission: ABORTED.

In RI I worked with some of the most intelligent and organized people I had ever met in a single group. They worked together with rhythm, in a well orchestrated symphony of patient care. Though many times, they forgot how important each other instrument was, they got every one of the patients cared for, and there was a great deal of laughter. What I longed to give them all as a gift was the knowledge that A single instrument, a symphony does not make. We must work together in harmony, in a way that complements the gifts of the other musicians around us. That rich blend of energies would weave joy and true healing into the care they provided.

Affection is a social joy of mine. Growing up in a small italian familly in south Jersey, I learned about touch, and how to talk with my hands. I am a huggy-kissy kinda girl, and those around me knew they were loved. In RI I worked with a wonderful woman named Barbara. When I first worked with Barbara I hugged her throughout the day. As I hugged her, she apparently had that look on her face as if she had just smelled(?smelt) some really bad camembert cheese. I had no idea, her stiff body should have been a clue though. After working together for 3 days Barb took me aside, and kindly told me I had to stop touching her. She didn't see herself as a "hugger", and she didn't like hugging.
Huh? Come again? So I commented:
"Sorry, but I think I just heard you say you didn't like hugging, is that correct?"
"Yes, but not just hugging, touch in general is uncomfortable for me," Barb replied with a genuine smile. "Please stop touching me," was her true request. And I honored it.

Integrating that was a great challenge. How could this be? Love=Affection Affection=Joy so Love=Joy with Affection. Isn't that the mathematical set up of this system? Then the wise words of Faith Hill hit me: Love must be tailor made. Had I sung this very phrase with Faith before? Yes, often.
Did I get the depth of meaning it held? Clearly, not at all.

Suzie or, Suzanne as she likes to be called, my dear friend told me that love is a choice. So RI Barb was requesting love tailored to her liking, and I chose to give it to her. It was a hard habit to break. Actually, many experiences in RI changed my life.

As I integrated the tailoring of love, I realized how profound it was. Love indeed is a choice. Within the sacredness of loving we commit to discovering how the people around us desire to receive love. Everyone perceives love differently. The nuances of how we individually need to receive it is the opportunity to tailor make our love. It takes time, communication, GREAT listening skills and observation to understand how each person wants and needs to be loved. It is a grown-up undertaking, and is not for the faint of heart. It is a courageous act, which involves vulnerability, acceptance and is without condition. We chose to give this person love inspite of their strengths and because of their weaknesses, inspite of their courage and because of their vulnerability, inspite of their beauty and because of their imperfections.This is Enchanted Love(great book by Marianne Williamson, folks!)

I want to experience Enchanted Love. I've had a couple of opportunities to practice it, alas, most people are stuck in a place I've been: They don't know how they need or want to be Loved.
Ideally, we would all grow up with our needs tended to faithfully, and we would be convinced that we are the sun in our own universe. This kind of child rearing is rare. Unfortunately, we tend to believe as I had, that someone elses value of us is what brings us joy. When they no longer value us, we lose our joy. The realization that I had to become the sun in my own universe, because my life truly revolved around me and my thoughts, was an epiphany. Taking the time to figure out what love looked like to me was hard work-worthwhile- but hard. It meant I had to take inventory of the Real Me. I had to learn to love and give love to the Real Me. I had to accept all my self-perceived flaws, forgive myself for falling short of my standards, trust that I can make my life right no matter what happens, and to relax into my own skin. Though I have done a decent amount of exploration within, I realize how much there is still to learn.

Do I know that I am capable now of chosing to love the right and perfect one? Absolutely.

Am I able to remain the sun in my own universe while honoring someone else's ability to be the sun in their own universe? Positively.

Am I grown up enough to realize that I have to specifically ask for romance the way I want it, passion the way I need it, and Love in the way that charms my heart, mind and soul?
Yes. A resounding Yes.

I see us all in a world of creativity, passion and joy, a place where we can just be, and just being real is enough.
For as we learn to love ourselves, we then can love our neighbors.
And isn't this why there is not just one of us on this planet?
Love and Passion,
Laurie

www.youtube.com/watch?v=DcWQIsG9Rqw Please watch and receive it's gifts.

Side Effects

With a little help from my friends, I have learned important life lessons. Marianne taught me that emotionally, there is only fear or love. All behavior and thought is generated by one of these two choices. Eckhart and Margaret taught me that the experience of fear, anger or frustration is a beckoning from within to address an unhealed aspect of myself. The ego is our ability to rationalize our less than divine aspects. Buddha taught me that
"All that we are is the result of what we have thought."
Jesus taught me that in order for me to love my neighbor, I must first love myself. Gandhi, or Gan as his closest friends called him, taught me
"Be the change you want to see in the world."
And God taught me that I can only be my brothers keeper, when I realize that I am my brother.
So tonight I will address an issue that has helped me keep my arrogance well honed, and my ego smiling.
The pharmaceutical companies.
I have been an RN for 25 years. I graduated from FSU in 1985, Sigma Theta Tau, in the top 5% of my class. Although I had become an extraordinary co-dependent early in life, becoming a nurse nearly perfected the belief I held in my life: I could fix everybody's problems. It didn't matter if they were emotional, physical, spiritual or mental. I was a Co-Dependent Super Hero. There was a huge red "C" emblazoned on my chest, and I strutted my intelligence with a swagger of cockiness. Manipulation was a specialty. Because I knew I could fix everyone else's problems, I viewed my controlling nature as a blessing to the community. And because I believed it, I succeeded. At least I thought I did.
Yes, many people were helped, even healed by my committment to outsmarting illness, and injury. My patients loved me, and I loved them, as much as I knew how. I had learned to confuse control and manipulation for love. I justified my self-righteousness as a nurse because I got such beautiful ego strokes from those I cared for. Except from my own children.
Children have a way of being your ego's biggest buzz-kill. And I mean that in the most loving way possible. My kids saw through the smoke and crackle of the illusion I had created and they called me on my shit. Repeatedly. My ego's white-knuckle hold onto my abilities as a Maestro of Everyone Else's Symphony was challenged daily by the truth of who I was, as reported to me by my children. God, they have been my toughest critics and greatest cheerleaders. I thank God that I was blessed with such confidant, and wise children. They have taught me volumes about becoming real. I was their velveteen rabbit. They believed I was real. Every day they would remind me of how "real" I was. My controlling nature was a "real" pain in their asses. The patience they extended to me is comparable to the Grace of God.
It took me 20 years of nursing to get the whole idea of medicine. It seemed to me, as I handed 45 year olds their 14 meds in a white cup, that these people were taking medications to treat the side effects of their other medications. Was it possible? Were my patients prescribed medications that required other medications that required other medications to alleviate the side effects of each medication? If so, when did the cycle end? Or did it? My heart and mind thought on these things often. I prayed for understanding. I prayed for the ability to conform. I prayed for the ability to be a good team player as a medical nurse. Then one day I saw someone else's committment to be right, take a patients life.
Was it illegal? No. The patient consented to it. Was it moral? To some it was the most moral and rational of decisions. Was it right? This is where I fell off the band-wagon.
That's when I started praying to be given the guidance to do the right thing. Right to God, not myself, not my colleagues, not the administration, right to God alone was my plea. I could no longer perpetuate the medicine cycle that was not only decreasing the quality of my patients lives, but was financially raping them blind.
Round peg, square hole wouldn't work for me any longer.
I attended a group meeting this past weekend. We are supporting each other in learning to ride the waves of life as they whip around us. I finally heard myself talking, as I was addressing the suggestion of "being gentle with yourself". I had heard those words more times than I could count in therapy. What the fuck does that phrase mean? It had eluded me for 29 years, as I had started therapy when I was 18 years old. That moment, in that group, I prayed for clarity on the idea of gentleness to self.
As I laid in bed tonight, before I fell asleep, I prayed for creative intervention in my thinking and my life. I awoke promptly at 1:38 am, and bathed my puppy. Don't ask why, for I have no idea. I sensed it was the right thing for me to do. As it is impossible to bathe a 60 lb puppy and remain dry, I showered while he was joyfully rolling his freshly washed fur on my pillow and sheets. It was in the shower that Side Effects crystallized.
If I was frustrated with the pharmaceutical companies, it must be an issue from within me that was asking for some healing. As I stepped out of the shower, I saw it. My life was filled with stuff to treat the side effects of other stuff in my life.
ie: I started smoking cigarettes at the age of 42. I have had 5 bouts of asthmatic bronchitis, chronic wheezing, weight gain of over 50 pounds, frequent sore throats, colds and migraines in these past 5 years. I own my own nebulizer machine. I have a variety of inhalers. I brush my teeth 4-5 times a day. I eat after smoking. I smoke after eating. My right index finger has the lingering aroma of an ashtray. I have to take "allergy" medicine for the chronic wheezing. I have to take daily medication to prevent migraines. I had 96 migraines in 42 days 4 years ago, and then had 12 migraines a month for the next few years, until I found a medication to treat the migraine side effect of smoking.
Ouch! As I peruse this cycle of perpetual un-gentleness towards myself, I start to make sense of where I am mentally and emotionally, and how I am physically. I realize that I have put a great deal of time into my emotional and spiritual life. I have invested very little in my physical health and or well being. I had repeatedly taken myself to the brink of physical bankruptcy, and continued to spend what was left of my body as if I had a do-it-yourself cloning kit in my garage. No wonder I had issues with those who extort the gifts they have. I have been totally guilty of this with my very own self.
Although I do not see all the side effects of all my less than kind self behaviors yet, I will. This has been an amazing eye-opener, for me. Interesting that I woke up for a wake up call. God is amusing that way. I'm sure as I investigate the side effects in my life, I will realize and manifest the practices and habits of healing them.
I envision a me which is healed, and
The only side effect of my life is joy.
With great Love,
XOX,
Laurie